herobox | but what if the sword kills the pen? // GENESIS HAS SOFT SKILLS AU

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but what if the sword kills the pen? // GENESIS HAS SOFT SKILLS AU

"Am I an human being...?"

Sephiroth asks and Genesis knows the answer. He has been waiting for this moment, repeating the words again and again, the truth he holds over his rival, his friend, his... But Sephiroth sounds raw and vulnerable in a way that makes his something between Genesis' ribs twist. He knows Sephiroth, he would dare to say he knows him better than anyone. Angeal didn't engage in petty rivalries, didn't share the spirit of challenge like they did. Angeal didn't burn for him as Genesis did, still does...

Standing there, waiting for his moment to interrupt, he remembers how the fire suddenly became poison and the jealousy still feels like bile on his throat, the same as the pulsing pain on his shoulder, growing impossible to ignore with each day. It was his own sword, and it could have been almost funny if it didn't become a tragedy so fast.

A tragedy indeed...

But there was more. So much more.

It wasn't always envy, or desperation. The desire of wanting to live knowing he was doomed in favor of the person he once idolized. He wants to claw the life out of Sephiroth and drink it all for himself. But it wasn't always like that and that glimpse, that flash of something broken and fearful in Sephiroth reminds Genesis that...

That everything he wanted, once, was to share an apple with him. The forbidden fruit. And those feelings only grew stronger once he was able to meet the real him. And now there he is, at his most vulnerable. Holding the salvation Genesis craves. It would be so easy to snatch that heart for himself.

'I could make you love me,' Genesis thinks. 'Need me, before I disappear."

It's just a couple of seconds after Sephiroth says those words, but Genesis' mind and heart work faster.

He flies into the scene, the scenario is all his. There's other way he can do this, and all eyes are on him.

"You're the one who gets to decide that, old friend."

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"They don't?" He makes a tch sound. How were they all so blind? The signals were everywhere, all the time, for the three of them. He shakes his head. "Not after the degradation started, but before... They weren't much help either. I brushed it aside," thought he was built differently or some stupid excuse that would appeal to his ego.

Then, he notices Sephiroth's reaction to the touch. Weird creature, Sephiroth is. Genesis isn't sure what to do about it, but he isn't a quitter, so he doesn't move away.

They're close, Genesis knew his degradation wouldn't allow him to make long trips after a while, so he settled in one of the front caves, first adapted to be a jail, with space enough for a bed, some equipment, provisions, and books.

Genesis's quarters are a modified cell. Sephiroth helps him sit and settle on the bed. Then, to reduce their height difference and make it easier to speak with him, Sephiroth kneels next to the bed.

(They're so close...)

"Tell me what you need," he says. "Whatever I can do to help."

Sephiroth is kneeling before him. It feels wrong and yet his (poisoned) blood sings. He could help, his cells can help. They merely have to find a way, without Hollander, it will be more difficult, but doable. And if that doesn't work, then Genesis is doomed and they will burn the world together...

That's a reasonable course of thought. Give me your cells, Sephiroth. The logical one. But Genesis' body aches and Sephiroth asked: What do you need?

Genesis doesn't say a word, just leans until his lips brush Sephiroth's, and drunk with pain and desire, he kisses his friend.

Genesis begins leaning towards him, and Sephiroth leans in, concerned he might have lost the strength to speak loudly. (That would be rare, for Genesis.)

Thus, when Genesis reaches forward suddenly, Sephiroth is close, and their lips meet briefly. But not so briefly that Sephiroth could pretend it was an accident.

He -

He kissed him.

That closeness, that Sephiroth craved - the desire that couldn't be spoken -

Genesis kissed him.

Sephiroth, for a moment, fails to return the kiss, his eyes widening in shock.

Then, his eyes fluttering shut, he draws his hand along the far side of Genesis's jaw, turning him towards Sephiroth, pulling him in.

(This is - yes. This is forbidden. This is one of the most urgently forbidden things, perhaps the most.

Shinra owned Sephiroth's body. He was not free to dispose of it, or any parts of it, as he wished. He was certainly not permitted to give his first kiss to anyone before receiving clearance to have a relationship. And certainly not to a man. But now that Sephiroth has slipped his leash - )

Sephiroth has never kissed anyone before, but he has imagined it. And he never imagined it like this. Kneeling before Genesis Rhapsodos.

Sephiroth, for a moment, fails to return the kiss and Genesis dispairs.

Was he wrong? Did he mistakenly read their newfound closeness as something more? And maybe Sephiroth is disgusted by him, by his cracked skin and dry lips. Ah! That must be it, and Genesis will now have to kill him instead of living with the shame. And since Sephiroth is his only hope (not just the cells, no, everything) he will have to kill himself after, but he will make sure no one survives the burning and...

And Sephiroth is kissing him back, now.

The endless stream of consciousness stops, and what follows is silence only filled by the vibrant emotion that moves his every cell: Sephiroth is kissing him, kneeling before him.

Genesis doesn't have time or space on his mind to register the fact that this may be Sephiroth's first kiss, because his hunger is way stronger when he kisses open and wet, pushing away the delicate first movements to make way for something akin to desperation.

Sephiroth was not wrong - Genesis did want this. Judging by the intensity with which he begins to kiss back, he has been holding this desire back for a long time. (All those times their eyes would lock while sparring, all the glances, they were real, they did mean something.)

Sephiroth may not know what to do next, but the fervor with which Genesis kisses into him, pushes his tongue into Sephiroth's mouth, nips at his lower lip, it brooks no hesitation. Sephiroth shuts his eyes and allows Genesis to take the lead. His heart beats faster, his pulse thrumming in his ears. It's desperate, and raw, and yearning, as if the two of them were wild teenage rookies barely out of basic, and not two of the most powerful men on the planet.

Sephiroth breaks apart from Genesis and whispers, gasps, "I always wanted this, Genesis. I always wanted you."

Genesis doesn't even remember his theories of Sephiroth being a virgin (yes, of course, he thought about it), his brain doesn't seem to process anything more than what's happening right in that instant: Sephiroth kissing back, letting him guide. Genesis can feel how his heart beats and he swears they are synchronized.

Words are spoken aloud, without shame. They seem too much. Can he believe this? Genesis laughs short and breathlessly.

(He curses, a part of him does. Because always? always? And yet it happened now when Genesis is rotting, falling apart, when he has nothing to offer and Sephiroth nothing to feel but pity)

For now, only for now, Genesis moves forward through the poison in his mind.

"You have me," he declares. "Do I have you?"

"Yes," Sephiroth whispers. "You have me. All that I am."

Maybe even more so than that moment in the reactor at Nibelheim - this is Sephiroth's absolute point of no return. In their chaotic escape from Nibelheim, Sephiroth had stolen himself, had stolen Shinra's property. Now, to render the theft complete, he has fenced himself to someone else.

He reaches across, now holding Genesis's face between his hands. "Whoever your enemy is, I will destroy it. Whatever blocks your path, I will tear it down."

Genesis shivers under the weight of Sephiroth's words, what they mean. This is the only way Sephiroth knows how to live, but Genesis is different (is he?) he wants to be different.

He moves one hand to Sephiroth's hair, burying his fingers there until the fingertips touch the scalp, his grip strong, reassuring. He moves forward and bites Sephiroth's lower lip as if to seal a promise, dragging the gesture before speaking in a low growl:

"Good boy," Genesis says. "You aren't a weapon, not for me at least. And yet you'll be my sword."

Genesis bites into his lower lip. Sealing their promise with blood. It's rare that Sephiroth tastes his own blood, because it's rare that he bleeds - it's thrilling. And more thrilling yet are Genesis's words. Praise, and a promise that he could be more than a weapon.

This, this is why he has always wanted Genesis. Where others shrank before him, Genesis only ever saw Sephiroth as an equal, a rival, someone to overcome. And though Sephiroth would never just hand it to him, he always wanted to be overcome. For Genesis to overcome him. To prove that he was not untouchable. To touch him.

"Yes," Sephiroth whispers into him, kissing him again. He wants to hear that praise again. Even the grip in his hair, against his scalp, sends tingles through his body. That firm, steady touch reassures him.

How ironic it is, to have everything he wanted, when his time is running off. To stand beside Sephiroth as something more than comrades, when he can't raise above him for something as simple as to spar.

It's bitter. But Genesis is greedy and he'll take whatever he can.

He may not be at his strongest, yet he commands with authority, leaving his hand on Sephiroth's hair to hold him where he wants him, to kiss again, deep and wet until his body throbs with need, until it gets easier to ignore the sharp pain that's always there, starting from his shoulder and spreading all over his body. It doesn't matter.

This is the only thing that matters.

It's so easy to give in. To let Genesis take the lead.

(He has always been so charismatic, the most loyalty-inspiring from among the SOLDIERs First Class. That's why he was able to bring half the SOLDIER program with him when he left. He has a magnetism, a strong personality, that seems to warp the world around it. It is easy to fall in love with him. Easy to believe what he says.)

For a long moment, he could not say how long this went on, Sephiroth kisses Genesis, lets him press his lips to his, rake his teeth with his tongue. Only this moment seems to matter. A moment of quiet in his head, of not needing to think. Why think, when he could feel?

But -

His hand snakes over to Genesis's shoulder, to hold him closer, and Sephiroth feels Genesis flinch beneath his touch. He doesn't stop kissing, but the sudden movement reminds Sephiroth that Genesis is injured there, and more to the point, he is injured now, and had come here to rest.

Sephiroth pulls back, hesitantly. "I - I shouldn't," he stammers. He shouldn't be selfish. He shouldn't prioritize his needs over Genesis. "You should get some rest."

The moment is shared. Genesis stops thinking about his degradation, about everything he has lost. For a moment, he forgets about his bitterness, even the envy remaining in his poisoned heart is subdued by the texture of Sephiroth's lips.

It doesn't last, and Genesis resents Sephiroth for it.

The pain is just a second thought by now. Genesis doesn't notice himself flinching but does hear the hesitation in Sephiroth's voice. He wouldn't want things to escalate, why would he? When Genesis isn't more than a corpse undressing would mean having to face how his body rots...

"Already having second thoughts? I thought you could stomach more than this."

Sephiroth blinks. "What are you talking about?" What does he mean, 'stomach?' The sudden bite in Genesis's words makes Sephiroth worried he's done something wrong. "I'm not having second thoughts. I just...

"...It's true that this is my first time, doing... something like this," he admits. "Any... intimate contact." No, focus - this is about Genesis! Sephiroth straightens his back, but he still hasn't risen from his kneeling position. "But - more to the point. You should be resting. I shouldn't be selfish. I'm sure we'll have time after you rest to... talk about this."

There's the flicker of light of interest in Genesis' eyes because of Sephiroth's admission. But yet, he adverts his gaze, redirecting his attention to a point in the wall that doesn't have Sephiroth's face.

"Such a noble reason," he scoffs. "I wonder if you're telling me the truth, or just soothing the sensibilities of a dying man."

Well, now Sephiroth is becoming somewhat exasperated. He cocks his head to the side slightly. His eyebrows draw together. "Genesis, do you think I am the kind of man to... 'make out' with you for ten minutes out of pity?"

It feels alien to hear Sephiroth say the words "make out", it almost distracts him from his self pitying spiralling. And it's true, Sephiroth just promised to be his. To tear down everything in Genesis path, so he could move forward.

Is he being... Non reasonable?

He looks elsewhere, making sure his bangs obscure his expression.

"And yet I'm a dying man." A pause. "But I know you're above pity."

"I am," Sephiroth bluntly agrees. He brushes a few strands of Genesis's hair away from his face, but Genesis turns his head.

Genesis was always prideful.

Sephiroth instead traces down Genesis's arm, bringing his hand up, and, holding it reverently, kisses it.

"If you are dying... all the more reason to seize time while we have it," he says, softly.

Does Sephiroth even know what insecurities are? Probably not. He touches him and Genesis can't help but remember how dry and cracked his skin is.

He is dying.

And Sephiroth is so soft it shatters him.

"I agree" he looks at Sephiroth. "Then should we do more?"

"I think you flew me across an ocean this morning, and that you should sleep," Sephiroth says, in the firm tone of voice of an officer of the armed forces. "Our top priority is to keep you healthy."

Now his voice softens. He brings Genesis's hand to his cheek.

"And... maybe starting tomorrow, we can... pursue this. Whatever this is."

Genesis is honest to god close to pouting. But he wants to keep some sort of dignity, especially after almost falling head to the ground. Tch.

The contact against Sephiroth's skin helps. He helps. It's kind of terrible how much.

He nods, then searches Sephiroth's eyes.

"It's a bond," he clarifies. He doesn't think they are in a position to use categories like boyfriend, they aren't civilians who can play with sweet words and promises. But there are some things Genesis knows now.

"An unbreakable bond."

"Yes," Sephiroth replies, his eyes searching Genesis's in return, and finding that resolve. "An unbreakable bond."

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but what if the sword kills the pen? // GENESIS HAS SOFT SKILLS AU

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